“Breakup Day” is February 21st. In the spirit of moving on from unhealthy relationships, we decided to write our very own “Dear John” letter to the vendor we hear our customers complain the most about… or in this case, a “Dear Larry” letter. We hope this gives anyone who’s feeling taken advantage of by their behemoth vendor the courage to sever ties. Cheers.
Let’s be honest – this relationship is not working. I’m ditching you for someone who treats me like I matter… and who doesn’t take all of my money!
You’ve been mistreating me for years, Larry. And to say that you’ve been painfully slow to react to my wishes, inflexible as a “partner”, and unwilling to evolve to meet my changing needs, is a huge understatement. There is no one who makes me feel as taken advantage of as you do. Now that there are clearly so many better options for me, I finally have the courage and conviction to leave.
So why is all of my data packed up and ready to go? You deserve to know:
You’re the definition of “legacy,” and you can’t easily support the kind of diversity I need. How difficult and expensive you make it to work with mixed workloads, mixed data types, and streaming systems in this day and age is a joke. You might think having lots of expensive, specialized tools makes you desirable, but trust me – it’s the opposite. I don’t want to have to somehow figure out how to stitch everything together and make it work. The things I’m trying to do are already a challenge, without you making everything more complicated.
Then there’s your performance and scale limitations. You were fast, in your day, but software has evolved! I need speed and scale, without having to give up an arm and a leg for it.
The new database companies give me the performance I need, without compromises. And they do it at a fraction of what you charge me. Not to mention I can run them anywhere!
And, no, don’t try to sell me on Exadata being the answer to these problems. We both know that it’s too little, too late, too limited. Oh, and too expensive, of course.
Most importantly, I need someone who supports me and behaves like a real partner. Who understands where the world is going, and appreciates what I’m going through. A vendor who is flexible to suit me, and doesn’t expect me to flex to do things their way.
All that being said, I also want to thank you, Larry. Seriously. It’s really hard to make the first move, and you served us well in your time.
You came along when there was pretty much no other game in town. It’s next to impossible to be first and get everything right from the get-go. So, props to you for putting yourself out there and using the best available resources at the time to just plain make things happen. We all thank you for what you helped us do for many years.
Our relationship was an important chapter in my life, Larry, but I need to move on. I have new needs, and I must embrace the modern world we’re living in. I need to move fast – like, real-time fast – and I want someone who is there at my side and helps me try new and exciting things.
I need real speed and elastic scale in my life, not to mention someone who is all-in on the cloud, and not a Johnny Come Lately (and Reluctantly and Cost-Prohibitively, I might add). Frankly, Larry, I need a partner who understands where I’m going, and who is heading there with me…
I’m through waiting for you to change – beyond the superficial fixes which you claim are game-changing, but we both know they’re just hot air. Expensive hot air, at that.
It’s time to face reality, Larry: the world is leaving you behind, and so am I. You had a million chances, and you blew them all. I’m taking up with the NewSQL crowd. They get me. And we’re about to make beautiful, data-driven music together.